What Depression Feels Like

how does depression feel?

What Depression Feels Like

The “stomach bug”. The dreaded stomach virus. We’ve all suffered through it. You’re never going to feel better. You’re never going to eat. (Fill in the blank) again. Commercials for food come on TV and you cringe, feel nauseous and say “never again”.

Depression feels like that but 1000 times worse. Instead of food, life is something that you don’t want ever again.

The despair, loneliness, and fear grips you to your soul. You can’t imagine EVER getting out of bed again. Forget food, family, life.

Forget everything.

You can’t imagine ever being able to overcome the sadness. Loved ones, job, daily activities all seem so very overwhelming. You can’t imagine that there’s ANY light at the end of the tunnel. That’s the worst of it. The absolute very worst.

Slowly, the strength comes from somewhere to begin going through the motions of rejoining life.

But, it’s only going through the motions because the joy, laughter, contentment, all seem so far from your reach. You can’t believe that it will ever return or that you even care.

The motions are for everyone else. So they think you’re ok. You don’t want to scare them. Suicide and “hurting yourself” are words that come into conversation. But, those aren’t options for you. You don’t think in terms of death. You just want the horrible feelings to go away. Sleep is sufficient as long as the thoughts and feelings disappear for the time being. Sleep is the only thing that becomes your goal for the moment. Quiet, numbing, “just leave me alone” sleep.

The worst is over.   You’re going through the motions. You converse, you work, you function in social situations. But the joy is still just out of your reach. You know it WILL come back.   It has before. When? That’s the question.

The waiting, When will I return? I like the real me. I like my life for the most part. My heart’s just not in it now. I talk to God because I know He’s with me and keeping me from the absolute worst of the worst. I know He’ll get me through this. But for right now, the heart is just not being allowed by the head to be content.


So, you wait……….

Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone


Sorry, I’ve been neglecting this blog for some time.

Actually, I think about it all the time, but I am doing someonline learning and training because it is one thing that I am totally ignorant about. Well, one of many things…..

The truth is, technical “things” or online anything take me far out of my comfort zone. So I decided that it was time to do something about it.  Why should I continue to feel intimidated and scared of things that I can learn just as easily as anyone else?

So, a few online tutorials and I’m well on my way to do more than just order bathing suits online. And it won’t get me into so much trouble with the hubbie.

Maybe it’s time for you to look at your own life and overcome an obstacle that is hindering you from achieving a something. It can be anything. Oh, I have many others too. Some are very small and others are probably going to take some time to work on.

It’s all in your mindset. Everything we do, don’t do, are scared to do is in our mindset.

That’s what we have to change. For every improvement we wish to make, our mindset has to change. Think of yourself as already having achieved the goal. Tell yourself you can instead thinking about “someday”.

Keep a list of the reasons you started. Why do you want to make changes, why do you want to try something new. Keep this list where you can see and read it EVERY DAY.

Be Positive-Don’t doubt yourself. That will never get you where your dreams and goals will lead you. Celebrate every achievement, big or small.

Do NOT beat yourself up. If you aren’t progressing as quickly as you’d like, so what. Re-adjust your timeline and keep moving forward. Move a deadline.  I have many times.  Not losing weight as quickly as you’d like, set a new deadline. Don’t give up and drown your sorrows in a carton of mint chocolate chip. Keep working and earn a scoop of mint chocolate chip as a reward.

The important thing is that you keep moving forward once you decide to leave your comfort zone. Being scared about a change is a good thing if it’s something you’ve never done before.  Just go for it. And don’t let anyone talk you out of it!

Save The Excuses

I was running the other day…. yes, running. I feel like people may be sick of hearing me talk about this, but too bad.

So, running and was amazed at how far I have come. A year ago I couldn’t WALK on the treadmill for more than 3 MINUTES (!) without getting shin splints. And winded, and frustrated and ashamed that I had come that far. Who can’t walk for 3 minutes at my age?

And now I’m running. A mile, maybe 2 but I am moving, running, and challenging myself everyday.

Don’t ever say you can’t! I hear it everyday. I can’t get up early and exercise, I can’t do this, and I can’t do that. Bullshit.

Listen, people have things that they legitimately can’t physically do. That’s not what I mean. If there’s a mental barrier, it can be overcome. Yes, I said it.

For years I drank. Everyday. Every morning. Every afternoon. Every evening. Everyday. For years. 15 years. I’m 46 now. I don’t drink anymore. I thought I would have to die in order to stop. But I stopped. It’s work. Hard fucking work. Retraining, relearning, new everything. But it can be done.

Making a better you is hard work. Hard fucking work. If you want it, you will do it. End of story. But, please save the excuses. I know every single one.

Take that, Oprah!

how to lose weight and eat carbs

how to lose weight and eat carbs

So I’m losing weight.

And eating bread!!

Yes, Oprah is not the only one who can eat bread and lose weight. You can too.

Just look at what you’re eating. Your body is not equipped to breakdown and process carbs at every meal. If you’re like me, you are bombarding your gut with cereal, crackers, bread, pita, cookies, etc.

The purpose of carbohydrates are to provide energy to the body, but some of them taste so good that we get way more than are recommended.

I was one of those that was truly addicted to carbs. And not the good kinds, like fruits and vegetables. I wanted cinnamon toast, sandwiches, pretzels for snack, chips, a couple cookies……..you get the point.

This is a no-no for people with diabetes type 2. The first thing to go were the carbs. But not all. I truly had to look at my diet and see what had to go, what could be a treat and what I had to add to fill my belly. All while losing weight.

So, now I snack of veggies, and have added fruit to my day.

But, I still eat bread. And I’m getting healthier. And I’m losing weight. So take that Oprah!

Coming soon….easy ways you can cut sugar from your diet!

7 Reasons To Lift Weights Today

the health benefits of lifting weights

Reasons to Lift Weights at Any Age


SO, the running thing is working out OK but I’m at a plateau. I’m hovering on the edge of the cliff and wanting to slide down the other side.

But I need to do something else.  So I guess it weights.

Here’s why:

1. Lifting weights burns more fat longer than cardiovascular exercise because your metabolism stays elevated.
2. You can change your body shape by lifting weights and creating new curves!  Whats better than that?
3. Women lose muscle as they get older. If you lift weights regularly, you can increase your metabolism and burn more calories.
4. Lifting weights makes us stronger. This can increase our confidence and self esteem.
5. We also lose bone as we get older and osteoporosis is a real problem for older women. Strongermuscles lead to stronger bones and better flexibility.
6. Any type of exercise can help prevent depression because of the endorphins that are released during a workout.  A natural high!  Gotta love that.
7. Lastly, lifting weights can help prevent heart disease and diabetes. Good cholesterol can be raised and bad cholesterol lowered by pumping iron. Your body uses glucose more efficiently and removes excess glucose from the blood.

I don’t know about you, but adding some new curves sounds like a great idea.  So get lifting!!


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Why I chose to become a health coach



Things to do for yourself

EvolvingScenes / Pixabay

So I truly have lost my mind.

I have signed on as a Team Beach Body coach.

Really? I know. It sound a bit crazy.

But, finally doing something to take care of myself isn’t really crazy.  (OK, the visual of ME as a BEACH BODY anything does seem crazy).

The truth is the shakes in the program help me replace the meal I hate most. Dinner has become a problem for me due to a busy schedule and not feeling like eating at that time.  A shake is perfect when I sit to unwind after my day before I bring someone to practice.  And it’s better (not really, but really) than a glass of booze.

Others I know have replaced breakfast or use as a morning snack. It’s all up to you.

So, if the thought of dropping a few pounds and doing it the healthy way sound good to you, think about joining my team.  We’ll do it together!!!

And I’ll see you this summer on the beach…..

How To Survive a Family Vacation (yes…the whole family)

You can plan and survive a great family getaway. And keep your sanity.

You can plan and survive a great family getaway. And keep your sanity.

How TO SURVIVE A FAMILY VACATION. YES, the whole entire family.

It is possible, believe it or not to take a family vacation that everyone can enjoy. I have survived several family vacations and they don’t have to be the nightmare that movies are made of. Whether it’s the mountains of New England or the”Most Magical Place on Earth” it is possible to survive a week (or longer!) with the whole family, in-laws included. But, before you plan this wonderful excursion, you must set down some ground rules before the trip.

-Make certain that everyone agrees on the lodging.

This is a must because if the wrong person is uncomfortable, everyone is uncomfortable. Make certain that the hotel has a pool, especially if there are kids involved. This is a must. If the rooms must be close together, make sure that is specified when the room is reserved. Or don’t mention it if you’d like some distance between each other.

-Figure out who wants to see which attraction.

If an amusement park is involved (a must if there are kids), split up the group. There is nothing worse than dragging teens to Kiddieland. Or having Grandma watch everyone on the 10 loop roller coaster. Make certain everyone involved uses the buddy system and make any and all rules clear before the trip.

-Have a meeting time and place. If you do divide the group, meet up for lunch or a snack. This is a wonderful time to sit, refuel and share stories. Or hit Grandpa up for an ice cream cone.

Meet for dinner at night

This is the perfect time to plan for the next day or make reservations. Everyone will . feel like they’re spending quality time together. On a recent trip to the mountains we all rediscovered our love for cards. My children were able to teach their Grandparents some new card games. There’s nothing better than a teen hearing their Grandfather yell, “bullshit!” and finding out who the real liars in the family are.

Take turns watching any small children.

If you are heading to the pool, take all the kids and give your sister a break. The next night you’ll have some peace and quiet while she takes everyone to the pool. An hour of peace goes a long way for keeping your sanity.

Most importantly, a family get away gives your kids some wonderful memories.  And you!!!  Have fun and let me know if you have any family vacation tips or horror stories.

Things to Do Today for Yourself Everyday

Things that you can do daily for yourself

Things that you can do daily for yourself

Do one  thing for yourself every day.

I know you’re busy. I know you’re tired. I get it. Hello! Mother of 3! But don’t let that be an excuse.

The challenge is to do one thing for yourself every day this week. It doesn’t have to be big. I’m not talking shopping spree or a trip to the spa (wish I were! And good for you if you can) but anything that you want for yourself.

There are things that don’t take long. Even if it a ½ hour, you’ll feel refreshed and more energized.

1. Take a walk or watch an exercise video from you-tube. Now might be the time to try yoga or zumba.

2. Read a book. Books with pictures don’t count!

3. Take a bubble bath.  Use the bubble bath you got at Christmas.

4. Watch something from Netflix that you’ve been wanting to see. Something definitely not from Pixar.

5. Coloring books are all the rage. Hey, do it in front of your new program.  I’ve even seen some with swear words that look fun!

6. Think of something you’ve been wanting to learn, like knitting, and watch a tutorial on you-tube.

7. Sit and enjoy coffee, tea or something stronger without making a to do list or thinking of all the things you need to get done.

Have you tried getting up earlier in the morning? 5am is early but it gives me time to sit with coffee, read my emails, watch the new for the day and spend time quietly with the dog before the madness begins. Try it, you might become a fan of watching the sun rise!!

Feel free to share these ideas with someone you think needs to spend some time concentrating on themselves. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary. If Mama’s not happy, No ONE is happy!

Please comment and leave ideas that I can add to the list. What works for you?


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10 Amazingly Easy Healthy Habits to Incorporate Into Your Day.

I have a list of super easy, healthy things that you can do everyday until they become habits.

I know! I know!  I sound like I’m telling you what to do!  But, in my defense, I feel the need to remind you.  We all need reminders, right???  So, don’t take it personally.  I remind myself too.

Don’t worry.  These  ideas are super easy and you’ll thank me when they become habits.

(You’re welcome!!!)

10 Healthy Habits that can easily be incorporated into your everyday

10 Healthy Habits to incorporate into your day.

1. Get moving. Exercise can be anything for any amount of time, daily. Do whatever gets you up and moving, off the couch, increasing your heart rate.  Anything.
2. Drink water EVERY morning. Warm or cold, with lemon or without. Add cayenne pepper if you like. It will increase your metabolism and give you a healthy start to the day.
3. Use moisturizer. Every morning. Make sure it has SPF 15 or higher to protect from any sun exposure. And don’t forget your neck.
4. Wear a hat when outside in the sun.
5. Only have a snack when you’re hungry.  Not bored.
6. If you’re bored exercise or read a book. The mind is a muscle that needs to be exercised too.
7. Keep added sugar out of your diet. Try to keep the artificial sweeteners out too. Drink your coffee with milk only. Try it!!  You might like it.
8. Every morning, tell your self that this is a new day. Give yourself a chance to forget any mistakes you made yesterday and try again. Keep trying until you get it right!
9. Don’t wish for what others have. Be happy with your life and what’s you have. If something makes you unhappy, change it.
10. Eat only whole, unprocessed food. If you mess up, try again tomorrow. Keep trying until you get it right.

See, I told you they were easy.  Pick a couple to start with this week and throughout next week.

If I missed any of your favorites let me know.  Please pass this along to someone who could use a reminder too!



Why Addiction is a Lonely Disease

why addiction is a lonely disease

Why addiction is a lonely disease

It’s no secret that I’ve been battling alcohol addiction for many years. It’s a battle everyday, some more than others. It’s a very lonely disease for many reasons.

Like any chronic disease, you are always looking over your shoulder, waiting for the  devil that is the urge to drink comes back.  And overwhelms.  The relapse.  The shame, the disappointment and the loneliness.

On the outside I look (hopefully) like I’m doing ok, I’ve got my shit together, I made it to work, I can remember conversations.

But the battle begins when old emenies, who you forgot about for a little while, come creeping back into your life.

That’s the battle and the struggle that an addict who has sought recovery will face.

Unlike diseases that have specific treatments, such as diabetes or cancer, mental illness and addiction have no specific treatments that can cure or make the symptoms go away forever. People don’t ask how you’re doing, they don’t ask any questions at all. It’s thrown under the carpet as long as everything looks ok. And there it stays until the ugly, relentless enemy returns to fight again.

It’s your fault.

No one would ever accuse a cancer patient or diabetic of having their disease because of what they did. Maybe if they hadn’t smoke they wouldn’t have gotten lung cancer, or maybe if they weren’t overweight they would not have gotten Type II Diabetes. Am I right? That would just be mean to accuse them of causing their disease. But addicts are different.

We CHOSE to pick up a bottle, or pill, or drink. We make that decision and cause the relapse. I have been asked why? “Just don’t drink” is something I have heard on more than once occasion. Oh, OK. If it were that easy. It’s hard to explain a disease to someone when you don’t understand it yourself. That makes addiction a terribly lonely place.

You can’t really speak to people because they don’t want to know that you’re actually wanting to drink. All the work you’ve done, all they good things you’ve accomplished. Why would you want to throw that away?

You can’t explain but you do. You might for just another drink. Just a chance to experience the calm, the beautiful warmth that a drink can bring. You forget about the pain, the tears, the fighting, the disappointment. Because maybe you can do it this time. Maybe it will be just one drink……this time.

People get mad at you, not the disease.

This goes along with it being your fault. Cancer has slogans against it. It’s the enemy. With addiction, you are your own enemy. You caused this. People are mad at you. You get yelled at, no one trusts you, and you are the bad guy once again. The bad guy is a lonely, lonely person.

Please share this with anyone who may have an addiction or mental illness.

These are just my thoughts and feelings, but I’m sure we are alike. We don’t look the same on the outside, but on the inside we are very similar. We are all very lonely.